All grown up and nowhere to go

Just finished cousin’s wedding. If I have to hear any more “so when’s it your turn, haha” jokes I will scream. My uncles were even asking me if, when it comes to my turn, I’d invite them over to Sing since I’ll probably have my wedding there. Since the question came after 3 slices of tiramisu (and a fruit tart), I was too overwhelmed and told them to direct all free flight requests to my dad.

I haven’t yet found the perfect response which would include the fact that I’m single and don’t bloody hell know when and even if I’ll be getting married without sounding sad/desperate/angsty, although I really am comfortable with my flying-solo situation.

Anyhow, Bali flight tomorrow at 8am, so I’d better wipe the gunk off my face and sleep… My wasp nest of a hair needs a wash too.

It hurts and it’s tiring. It’s one thing to watch from the other side of the fence and flirt with fate, it’s another to actually–

No, I refuse to fall!

I haven’t danced hiphop in a while, quite refreshing to try it out again. And quite depressing to find out my fitness level has dropped + I can’t stretch the way I used to… Zzz. Not to mention my nose is blardy runny the whole time… Sniff.

Gonna rest early now, it’s been a packed weekend.

Are we or are we not meeting?

Am confused!

Just got back from Bangkok, which left Jing somehow unfulfilled as she claimed she didn’t buy enough new clothes. As she announced her intention to continue shopping online, I’m left wondering if my Forever21 shipment has come in yet.

Top 10 Life’s Unanswered Questions:

#1. Why is it that when you come back from a holiday, you always expect a barrage of new exciting developments to have cropped up while you’re away? E.g. for random people to text you while your phone is off, or for exciting mails to come… Just to be underwhelmed when you finally reach home and find everything exactly the way it was when you left it. Pah.

We had some lovely massage sessions in BKK, one of which involved a tour round the city in search for Healthland Spa. That was prolly the only sightseeing we did, rest of the time was spent in Plat / Chatuchak market. There’s a pretty affordable massage parlor (? not sure if I should call it that, since parlor has a negative connotation to it) near our hotel, and we had foot massage done and…

#2. What’s the appropriate reaction when your foot keep brushing against the masseuse’s boobs?

I mean, I’m sitting on a chair with my legs laid straight out, so when she bends over to reach the calf / knee areas, my footsole will definitely hit something. I just wished it wasn’t the jackpot, and not so frequently at that. And then, besides the foot-boob graze, I also experienced back of head-boob graze when she massaged my shoulders and back. And then, on another occasion (Thai massage), it was knee-boob graze. I don’t know why but I have the feeling I’m the only one feeling violated here.

#3. When you drink beer with senior colleagues / clients, how do you cover up the burps?

That question just popped to mind during the knee-graze Thai massage session.

#4. What happens when you need to let out gas during a spa/bikini wax/scrub session?

OK this is a bit gross but it can happen to anyone! Thought about it after the burp thought… You obviously can’t just go POOT in the middle of things, but holding it in is a pain. Letting it out silently isn’t really an option, since the whole room will smell like you just let one out silently. Maybe it’s best to just go POOT?

I haven’t really thought about the other 6 questions, but I’m sure there are more. Like,

#5. When the tuk-tuk driver refuses to drive you all the way to your hotel, rather stopping at a market area and asking you to cross the market to reach the hotel, do you remain in the tuk-tuk until he sends you to your intended destination, or do you give up and walk across the market?? This scenario is after 5 hours of shopping, with blisters in between your toes from flip-flop chafing, and a ton of bags to carry.

#6. Can you actually sue a tuk-tuk driver?

#7. Does a tuk-tuk have a car plate number?

#8. Are tuk-tuk drivers all assholes???

(added as an afterthought)

#9. How much do tuk-tuk drivers earn?

#10. Can a tuk-tuk driver sue me for calling him an asshole?

Forecasted trade data earlier. Very fun to forecast, I really like that part of my job! Supposed to build an Indo trade database for a new forecasting model next year, and I thought I’d done something on it a few weeks ago but of course I couldn’t find my spreadsheet. We deal with such an expansive amount of data that spreadsheets go missing everyday and we have to spend hours digging through the hundreds of different folders to find the right chart.

I wish I have a model to forecast the way boys think. It’ll make life so much simpler. One day it’s full of smiles, the next it’s total ignorance. Both days drove me crazy.

I was whining to Jing about wanting to eat her mum’s home-made carrot cake the other day, and then I whined to her bf Mike about it over MSN. Somehow the conversation led to him concluding that, although not everyone can be a hot Maxim chick as his girlfriend was, I wasn’t ugly-looking, and ’smart and funny’ to boot (his words, not mine, though I relish gloating in them). So why was I still single?*

Ignoring the fact that I became single by choice, I guess guys are probably turned off by my impatience. You see, guys are like bottled water. They need to be cajoled and loosened gently before you can uncap them and take a sip. If you try to whip them open you’ll just leave burn marks on your hand. Unless they’re Newater, which would be very desperately easy to uncap, I’d say.

And that’s the other thing. The center of gravity for my sense of humor is this node called Sarcasm. Guys don’t like sarcastic girls, because sarcastic girls border on being bitchy / smart-ass, which is not a v.g. combination. While a bitchy/smart-ass guy is a comedian, a bitchy/smart-ass girl is halfway on her way to becoming a bitter old witch.

So where does that leave the forecast of my future? It looks like it may underperform expectations alright. I’d need to look for a confident, self-assured guy, with a way with words so he can bounce back on the witticism front, and who’d waste no time being uncapped. Unfortunately, this particular recipe for a boy is likely to spell c o c k y b a s t a r d. Even Snow White, who can’t recognize a poisoned apple as it gets stuck in her oesophagus, would know to stay away from a cocky bastard.

So… I guess that’s why I’m still single. And the fact that my brain switches off regularly so I behave like a ‘retarded bimbo’, according to the Oracley space marine that is Mike. Wise words, you say. Cheemology, be them.

To Bangkok, I go in mother-effin’  TWO DAYS!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BRING ON THE CANVAS TROLLEY BITCHES!

*Citation is paraphrased to screen the vulgarities that stream out on a per-second basis from bff’s bf’s mouth

What is it about dating, that men and women have to turn it into such a intricate, confusing game where they attempt to see who will come out on top?

I’m getting really tired of this “play-hard-to-get” game. Flirting is all well and good, but not when you have to keep doing it back and forth 24/7, for a prolonged period of time, like a tennis marathon. I love me my quips, but I really want a normal decent conversation without double meanings just once, oh puh-leeeze!

So why, why do people do it? Why do guys do it? Why do girls do it?

Scenario: You’re really into a guy. But of course it’ll be crazy to ask him out. So you flirt with him via texts, but always make it a point to wait an hour before replying his reply. And then, when he doesn’t reply, you go crazy. The next time he texts, you agonize over it for 6 hours thinking of the perfect nonchalant reply, before sending the response, just to have him not respond until a day later. Since he took so long, you have to take longer, so you didn’t reply him for two days. You feel totally on top of the game until you hit that “send” button, after which you feel like he again holds the power.

And then, he finally asks you out… ding ding ding! You won that round. On the day of the supposed date, you hang on to your phone the whole day waiting for him to call and confirm the date. While out shopping, you keep checking your phone. When reading a book, you can’t concentrate. You stare at your phone willing it to ring, but no way are you going to call him! … He finally calls, says he’s going to be late. You say it’s okay, because you’re running late as well… And then you walk around your house for half an hour trying to kill time, already all dressed up. After the date and a wonderful kiss, he said he’ll call you, and you wonder if he really will. After all, it’s all about the power play.

In the end, it all boils down to the fact that all humans desire what they can’t have. Girls play harder to get with guys they really fancy. And guys expect girls to play hard to get, so they get turned off when a girl is too ‘easy’ – ie. she respond quickly to all his texts, doesn’t bother to pretend to have a busy schedule, and says straight out that she fancies him.

So… where does that leave the girls who don’t want to play the game? Girls who have lives of their own, but would like this special guy to share it with her sometimes? Girls who know he wants to play the game, and oblige along, but really just wondering inside how long this has to last before he’ll give in and be normal?

…

But then again, guys who are easy to get are such a turn off, aren’t they?

Mmmm

I will complete my work duly tomorrow.

I will save more money and not splurge in Bangkok.

I will ask him out for lunch next week.