All grown up and nowhere to go

Archive for June 2009

I’m back from the long-awaited 2-week break. It’s odd that it was long-awaited, yet felt like it passed by so quickly. And now, 2 days into work, it feels like I’ve never left, like I’ve only dreamt up my holiday.

There’s been a big change in my personal life recently. I think to some people it may seem like it surfaced quite suddenly, but I think maybe there’s been an underlying restlessness for a while. I’ve felt disappointment for a number of times now and I made up my mind not to let myself be placed in that position again in future. I’m going to be happy with myself, do things alone for a while. I need to find peace within, not a semblance of it externally. Although I would like to have someone to share my joy and pain during my more vulnerable moments, it’s really horrible to feel disappointed, and I think I’d rather rely on myself than feel that rawness. And I refuse to settle for anything less than what, in my mind, is the perfect situation.

I refuse to let happiness be fleeting anymore. It’s either here for good, or not here at all.


Yet another blogging pit stop during this rather eventful Euro trip. Mike got a cut in his chin from being drunk and slipping on his own puke (elegance does not describe it) and there was a moment or two or a thousand when havoc prevailed in his residence, which usually is the epitome of a peaceful idyllic household. Sorta.

I’m really grateful he & his ‘bro’ (seems Milan has become the city of bromance) let me squat here for free + steal his time away with Jing. It’s been awesome hanging with my bff again although I hate her non-existent tummy. And I’m really happy I get to see them together like this. If nothing else their relationship is something to hang on to to prove that love may still be in the air somewhere all mixed up with dust, and being mushy in public, albeit gross, is okay.

Sad that this trip is going to end in a few days and I have to go back to dull old work life. But I’m looking forward to seeing my old colleagues again, and I hope they won’t have forgotten me already…

Not sure of what else to write. So many things on my mind but they fleet away like feathers in a sandstorm (or sommit like that). I think my brain is degenerating at a faster pace than normal human beings. One morning I was trying to enunciate that I felt bad for sleeping so soundly whilst Mike & Jing slept in a puke-infested environment and I came out with ‘sleeping like a… tortoise’. Somehow the word ‘babe’ escaped me even after thinking for what seemed like forever. Zzz. I need to read more books and watch less ANTM.

Katy Perry’s ‘Thinking of You’ is playing non-stop inside my head. Addictive song! Cheery-bye!

Blogging from Ray’s comp now, who is Mike’s good friend, and Mike is Jing’s boyfriend, and Jing is my bff.

Milan is just as hot as Greece, and even hotter at times as there’s no sea breeze to cool your senses. Speaking of Greece, thanks to Neutrogena sunblock SPF70, the only parts of my skin burnt are: 1) my scalp, 2) a triangular cleavage area on which I forgot to put on the sunblock. Because, ya know, it’s easy to forget that I have a cleavage.

Greece was all about suntanning, travelling by ferries to and fro, eating a slow dinner of grilled octopus*. Milan is all about chillaxing at Mike’s place at night and shopping up a storm during the day. At least, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 1.5 days. Supposed to go up to Como with Jing tomorrow, aimed with the baby SLR my colleague lent me all ready to take good shots. But seriously I feel so nua. Maybe all the gelato’s gone up my brain and turned it into slush.

I’ve been feeling so bored with life lately and this ennui has accompanied me to Europe. Sad truth. And ennui translated itself to bo-chup-ness which is bad, badbadbad. I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s a sense of restlessness around me like a tiger readying itself for prey. Although I wouldn’t know for sure as I’ve never been a tiger.

Hey Life, throw me something good will ya? Give me that awesometastic placement I’ve been waiting for. Give me a sign, in a dream, that I’ll suddenly win Euro millions tomorrow even though I don’t even know how it works. Get me a call from Citi which says I’ve been a loyal credit card user of theirs and they’ll give me free SQ flights to anywhere in the world plus accom. Blow me away with a sudden stock windfall. Give me free clothes for life so I can sell some of them off and make money.

As Mike would say it in all his vulgar glory, give me a damn fucking miracle.

*Awesomeness personified. Or should I say octopusenified.

Huzzaaaah! Have landed safely without luggage misplacement @ Heathrow. It’s amazing. And the immigration bit, though there was a long queue, was surprisingly painless. The officer only asked the standard questions. Guess having a job helps. As a student I was grilled to the bone!

Plane ride was OK too, as I requested for an aisle seat and specifically told the counter girl that I would like easy access to peeing. Was seated to two Eastern-European gentlemen who seemed to not be accustomed to flying. They only went to the loo once in 12.5 hrs, no doubt holding their number 1 and 2 in out of politeness / embarrassment / something else. Well, all the better for me to watch the in-flight entertainment with. (Though I’ve watched most of the shows worth watching so I ended up snoozing most of the time… I did watch He’s Not That Into You again. Scarlett Johannson still comes across as bitchy, and Ben Affleck as The One You Should Aim For, Ladies.)

Can’t wait to have a girlie movie night out with Syd & Jess… We haven’t done that for ages. I remembered there was once all three of us drove and we headed for supps afterwards… Shiokness 🙂 Let’s do it again! I miss random girl talk @ HK cafes.

Nobu tomorrow if there are seats.

in few hrs will b boarding plane – BA not SQ, a regrettable decision. This is the last time I tell you. Last time.

Been so impatient lately trying to keep my temper in check but if they screw me over at e airports i may just flare up. must. breathe. pray they dont give me shit.

Maybe it’s the intense work I’ve subjected myself to recently. I get irritated at the smallest stuff and swallowed it all up inside and it’s near bursting point.

Leave me be.

Ah! ’tis a new dawn
How fresh it feels as I stretch and yawn
I can feel the sun, the breeze on my skin
I feel awake after my hundred-year long.

And who’s that I spy from behind my lids
(Oh, how great it feels to blink and flutter)
A blurry vision, my Prince Charming
Who left a kiss after my hundred-year long.

I touch his face, like porcelain
His thick dark hair like luxurious fur
His piercing eyes, though his nose is crooked
He’s the one I wait for, these hundred years.

Soon he pulls me up,
He flies me away to his castle in the air
We’ll be lovers, we’ll bear children
We’ll live happily everafter, less a hundred-year long.

But stop, wait, I get carried away
All these must happen, and yet in future
I’ve yet to wake, this must all be a dream
For I’m still within
My hundred-years slumber.

I sleep, I worry, my heart beats still
Would he make me wait down here too long
A hundred years, and my time is up
I hear the maggots eating into the casket

I fear my skin falls away to dust
Would he be fine with my hair falling out
Or would he not come, even after these hundred years
And my one kiss would be the kiss of death.

Oh come, Prince Charming,
Don’t lose your way anymore,
Don’t be distracted again by the
Mermaids down the road.
Their bodies may be yours, but their hearts
Like their voices, have been broken
A hundred years ago.