All grown up and nowhere to go

and then i became selfish

Posted on: June 30, 2009

I’m back from the long-awaited 2-week break. It’s odd that it was long-awaited, yet felt like it passed by so quickly. And now, 2 days into work, it feels like I’ve never left, like I’ve only dreamt up my holiday.

There’s been a big change in my personal life recently. I think to some people it may seem like it surfaced quite suddenly, but I think maybe there’s been an underlying restlessness for a while. I’ve felt disappointment for a number of times now and I made up my mind not to let myself be placed in that position again in future. I’m going to be happy with myself, do things alone for a while. I need to find peace within, not a semblance of it externally. Although I would like to have someone to share my joy and pain during my more vulnerable moments, it’s really horrible to feel disappointed, and I think I’d rather rely on myself than feel that rawness. And I refuse to settle for anything less than what, in my mind, is the perfect situation.

I refuse to let happiness be fleeting anymore. It’s either here for good, or not here at all.

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1 Response to "and then i became selfish"

“Although I would like to have someone to share my joy and pain during my more vulnerable moments, it’s really horrible to feel disappointed, and I think I’d rather rely on myself than feel that rawness.”

I totally know what u mean by that rawness. It’s like, one of the worst lows you can feel…

Hugs babe. You know I’m here! I’m so proud of you for taking the step forward and working towards your own happiness. You deserve happiness. Not disappointment and manipulation.

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