All grown up and nowhere to go

boys and work and bff and bff’s bf

Posted on: November 25, 2009

Forecasted trade data earlier. Very fun to forecast, I really like that part of my job! Supposed to build an Indo trade database for a new forecasting model next year, and I thought I’d done something on it a few weeks ago but of course I couldn’t find my spreadsheet. We deal with such an expansive amount of data that spreadsheets go missing everyday and we have to spend hours digging through the hundreds of different folders to find the right chart.

I wish I have a model to forecast the way boys think. It’ll make life so much simpler. One day it’s full of smiles, the next it’s total ignorance. Both days drove me crazy.

I was whining to Jing about wanting to eat her mum’s home-made carrot cake the other day, and then I whined to her bf Mike about it over MSN. Somehow the conversation led to him concluding that, although not everyone can be a hot Maxim chick as his girlfriend was, I wasn’t ugly-looking, and ‘smart and funny’ to boot (his words, not mine, though I relish gloating in them). So why was I still single?*

Ignoring the fact that I became single by choice, I guess guys are probably turned off by my impatience. You see, guys are like bottled water. They need to be cajoled and loosened gently before you can uncap them and take a sip. If you try to whip them open you’ll just leave burn marks on your hand. Unless they’re Newater, which would be very desperately easy to uncap, I’d say.

And that’s the other thing. The center of gravity for my sense of humor is this node called Sarcasm. Guys don’t like sarcastic girls, because sarcastic girls border on being bitchy / smart-ass, which is not a v.g. combination. While a bitchy/smart-ass guy is a comedian, a bitchy/smart-ass girl is halfway on her way to becoming a bitter old witch.

So where does that leave the forecast of my future? It looks like it may underperform expectations alright. I’d need to look for a confident, self-assured guy, with a way with words so he can bounce back on the witticism front, and who’d waste no time being uncapped. Unfortunately, this particular recipe for a boy is likely to spell c o c k y b a s t a r d. Even Snow White, who can’t recognize a poisoned apple as it gets stuck in her oesophagus, would know to stay away from a cocky bastard.

So… I guess that’s why I’m still single. And the fact that my brain switches off regularly so I behave like a ‘retarded bimbo’, according to the Oracley space marine that is Mike. Wise words, you say. Cheemology, be them.

To Bangkok, I go in mother-effin’  TWO DAYS!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BRING ON THE CANVAS TROLLEY BITCHES!

*Citation is paraphrased to screen the vulgarities that stream out on a per-second basis from bff’s bf’s mouth

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