All grown up and nowhere to go

Archive for April 2010

I want to be pissed off with so many people! Why? Why? Why must you let me down??


Forked through my wallet stained pink
Saw the blood red, purple notes
I won’t be using those in a while
Strange-shaped coins, just like my strange-shaped fears

I paid the cabby,
He shortchanged me
If you value that extra dollar much, sir,
I guess you can have it, take it – but not without my curses!

Tottered up in my new high heels, the new nude
was what the shopgirl said at Louboutin
Gripped that railing by the pool and hurled
New nude, dirty nude floated but I still felt like ash

Home to an empty home, but it’s still sweet
Although my lips taste sour and my stomach is acid
I should probably feel bitter
But sugar, we all should and could survive, I s’pose.

I forgot my daddy’s birthday.
The more meaningful the present, the harder to get.

It’s been a pretty exhausting trip, surprisingly. Really really good to be home. I’m slightly behind on my CFA studies, and definitely have work to do when I get back to the office (thinking if I should go to the office this evening, actually). But right now, it just feels like one of those ‘limbo’ moments when you don’t feel like doing anything, and just… be.

We met quite a few people during the trip, me and Jing. With some of them, I saw titles to their names, but they still want more. It made me realize that, as long as you think there’s always something better out there, you’ll never be satisfied. I don’t want to end up like that – at the same time, I know what I’m doing right now is no longer what I want to be. In fact, I’m not exactly sure what I want to be. I kept on hoping I’d find out, but I haven’t, and it scares me.

Life is too short to be unhappy, or unsettled. I need to find my dream, catch it, and then stay still. I hope to stay still in one year’s time… It’s time to stop chasing after abstract concepts of happiness, and start running free with the wind.

This is my promise to myself.

That, and many other thoughts flit through my mind today:

I’m suffocated at work.

I’m craving for fried noodles.

It’s been a long while since I feel… fashiony.

Maybe I should start a home business, follow the silk trade route.

So just a general sense of restlessness, I guess. Fiddle diddle. Can’t make up my mind which currency to trade.

This looks yummy and pretty:

<Hinamatsuri bento by Susan Yuen>

Clickie for Futurama, the best thing since buttered toast with honey.

I just did something unthinkable, by the way. This Thursday after poker I was online shopping at ASOS, painstakingly picking out items to add to my basket. I had about 20 tabs open and my Internet Explorer (I’m so Microsoft that way, never did see the point in Firefox. It be the same thing with cheesier name?) threatened to die on me. The process of checking measurements, zooming to see garment texture, price comparisons between similar items, etc. took 3 days. And now, currently, as of this present moment, on Sunday night, with Monday blues slipping in through the crack below my bedroom door, I have decided to close the browser entirely.

Before checking out.


(pause to allow for long gasp)

I took the time (15 mins) to clean up some in my room and realized I had too much stuff… Even after 2 rounds of spring cleaning before Chinese New Year 😦 I actually unearthed some UO and F21 shopping, which felt sort of like discovering treasure, especially because I don’t remember having them. Well, it’s technically prepaid treasure, and I should probably reduce the book value by accumulated depreciation so far.

Oh, I’ve also been studying for CFA, by the by.

Anyhoo… more Futurama. Dr Zoidberg has the coolest sideways step!

April 2010
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